Original Law School Personal Statement

Allowing one's personal aspirations to fall victim to life's hardships may be a desirable solution, but also a costly sacrifice. It takes perseverance, drive and passion to rise above difficulties, and a long-term goal always serves as a light at the end of a seemingly never-ending tunnel.

My goal is simple: intellectual enrichment and the use of my knowledge to help those in need of a helping hand. Passion and desire are the internal instincts that have brought me this far in life, and are the core characteristics that I rely on to carry me through Law School. My life experiences have helped me to appreciate the value of this goal, and I look forward to reaching it.

    If a reporter were to write an article on my collegiate career, it would tell an impressive story. It would include a list of co-curricular activities only matched by my involvement in community services. My academic achievements at the University of Arizona would be summed up by my involvement in the Political Science Honorary, the Golden Key Honorary, and the Dean's List. My academic achievements are but a minor portion of the overall picture of my collegiate career.

    As an only child, my mother was less than thrilled at the thought of her baby girl leaving her side. She was scared of being alone, and while I was challenged with the excitement of going away to school, I did experience the pangs of  being homesick at times. My freshman year I went home almost every single weekend. Southwest Airlines and myself got acquainted quickly. Eventually I overcame the home sickness, and enjoyed my collegiate experience.

 I played NCAA Women's Tennis, joined the Chi Omega Sorority, entered into my dormitory politics, and set forth on the adventure of being a women, without my mother. My freshman year was a battle of ups and downs. Time management was not my specialty. Bouncing between classes, sorority and tennis practice was a difficult schedule to maintain, however I was able to overcome my own personal adversary, time.

    Through-out the next three years, I did a number of community service projects. I volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House, Arizona Children's Home, Nike's Women Walk, Project Shine, The "Big Event" to name a few. I played a leadership role in my sorority and was a voice for the younger members. I coordinated Homecoming and Spring Fling and sat on my sorority's disciplinary board, all while trying to maintain a GPA to be proud of.

 I am not, however, the proudest of my GPA.  My grades did suffer due to my personal involvement in other activities. I did not regret anything I did in college. I found the women I am, made best friends, and earned a well deserved education.

    I majored in Political Science, to which I earned impressive grades, and minored in Germanic Studies. My German grades are less than impressive, however I am now able to speak and write letters to my grandmother.  I do not regret my decision to pursue my Germanic studies, as my grandmother is 91 years old and lives alone in Vienna, Austria and due to her age is unable to travel to visit me in the United States any longer.  German was difficult and ruined what would have been a more accurate picture of my academic profile. However, I can speak with my grandmother and nothing in this world will ever give me more satisfaction than that fact.

    Why Law School? That is simple. I am interested in understanding the forces behind the social, economic, and political structure of American society and the process by which people create their identities within this structure while changing it.

The Political Science program at the University of Arizona did not only provide a supportive environment to pursue these intellectual interests but also ensured that I acquire the skills to transfer my academic interests to a professional setting. My professors challenged their students to conduct research, write analytical essays, engage in class debates, and make presentations. This experience prepared me well for the real world where the ability to write well, analyze precisely, facilitate discussions, and speak persuasively are essential skills. For a more practical application, I am interested in how public policies can be structured to create social and economic opportunities and to foster equality. By pursuing a legal career, I feel that I am positioning myself to help shape, define, and implement such policies.

    Law School will provide insight into the theory and structure of the legal system as well as the historical and social journeys that laws travel from their conception to application.  I have not yet met an individual whose life did not involve special circumstances. Therefore, I have come to believe that judgment should not lie  in the quantity of struggle, but rather in the quality of the character that results. I have, to this point in my life, done all that I can do to prepare myself for this endeavor. I desire the opportunity to share my knowledge and insight, to continue my education in preparation for my professional career, and most importantly, to one day contribute to a legal system with which I am so taken.
   

Critique + Examination

Beth Anne,

Overall, I took great pains not to put words in your mouth, although I did add a few "I feel…" statements to the essay, particularly in the paragraph concerning your GPA.  Please look over these carefully and make sure that I haven't taken too much artistic license.

I made two important organizational changes:

Firstly, I switched the third and fourth paragraphs of your essay, since the third paragraph deals more directly with the subsequent subject material (i.e. – your C .V.)

Secondly, I reordered the end of your essay, since the paragraph concerning your experiences in the Political Science department does not directly answer the question of why you want to go to Law School.  (However, I moved those parts of the paragraph that did answer that question.)

I removed several colloquialisms from your writing, simply to make the essay sound more polished.  (Though such expressions may be 'real', they can color an admissions officer's perceptions of your general ideas.)

Though I was hesitant to remove any of your work, you might think about spending a little less space reciting your resumé, since the admissions committee will already know what you've done.  A simple reference to 'a multitude of extra-curriculars' might suffice.  I think that this particularly applies to the sixth paragraph, which concerns your volunteer activities.  Remember – these people have to read thousands of essays, and they will appreciate concise presentation!

I improved the flow overall, by combining shorter sentences throughout the essay.  I particularly tightened the paragraph concerning your relationship with your grandmother, which seemed a bit verbose.

I also broke up some longer sentences, which clarifies your ideas and makes the essay easier to read.

I took some liberty with the opening sentence, since I wasn't sure exactly what you wanted to say, but I'd advise you to look at that sentence very carefully.  It isn't particularly clear, and those few words will influence the way an admissions officer reads the rest of your essay.

I tried to cement some of your statements concerning your desire to attend Law School, but I'd advise you to look carefully at what I've done, to make sure that I haven't altered your basic ideas.

In addition, I tried to highlight the practical side of your thinking, which might appear a bit idealistic, by placing it closer to the theoretical parts of the essay.  However, some elaboration on that practical side might improve the essay (again, I cannot create those thoughts for you, but would suggest that you take a close look at the next-to-last paragraph with this in mind).

Your conclusion was a nice summation of your ideas, but I cleaned it up and tried to give each concept individual emphasis.  I improved the overall flow by paying close attention to sentence structure.

Lastly, I improved the sound of your concluding sentence, and improved the word choice in order to catch the reader and refocus his/her attention on you.  This will make your essay memorable and personal to the admissions officer who has already read about thousands of other people.

Best of luck!

Jesse,

Ivyedge.com

Revised Essay

To (uphold?) one's personal aspirations in the face of life's hardships may be desirable, but this sacrifice can prove costly. Perseverance, drive and passion allow one to rise above difficulties, and a long-term goal always serves as a light at the end of a seemingly never-ending tunnel.

My goal is simple: I hope to achieve intellectual enrichment and to use my knowledge to help those in need. Passion and desire have brought me this far in life, and I will rely on these instincts to carry me through Law School. My life experiences help me to appreciate the value of this goal, and I look forward to reaching it.

   Four years ago, my mother was less than thrilled at the thought of losing her only child. She was scared of being alone, and I, too, though excited by my new environment, experienced the pangs of homesickness at times.  I quickly became acquainted with Southwest Airlines, as I went home almost every weekend of my freshman year. Eventually, though, I overcame this homesickness, and have taken full advantage of my collegiate experience.

    If a reporter was to write an article on my collegiate career, it would tell an impressive story. My involvement in the Political Science Honorary, the Golden Key Honorary, and placement on the Dean's List attest to my academic commitment . These achievements, however, are but a minor portion of the overall picture of my collegiate career.

During college, I played NCAA Women's Tennis, joined the Chi Omega Sorority, entered into my dormitory politics, and set forth on the adventure of being a women, without my mother. My freshman year was a constant battle, as time management was not yet my forté. Between classes, sorority commitments, and tennis practice, mine was a difficult schedule to maintain. However, I soon learned to outwit the clock, my perennial adversary.

    Throughout the next three years, I participated in a number of community service projects. I volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House, Arizona Children's Home, Nike's Women Walk, Project Shine, and at The "Big Event", among others.  As a leader in my sorority, I acted as a voice for younger members. While trying to excel in my schoolwork, I coordinated Homecoming and Spring Fling and sat on my sorority's disciplinary board.

  As a result, I feel that my GPA does not accurately reflect the body of knowledge that I've gained, nor does it offer a true picture of my college career.  My grades suffered due to my involvement in other activities. Nonetheless, I do not regret any of these activities. Facets of each have helped me to discover and shape the woman I am today, to make lifelong friends, and I am grateful for the way each has enriched my perception.

As a Political Science major, I earned impressive grades, while minoring in Germanic Studies. Though my grades in German classes are less than impressive, I am now able to speak and write letters to my grandmother, who is 91 years old and lives alone in Vienna, Austria. Due to her age, she is unable to travel, and can no longer visit me in the United States.  While German was difficult and colored what might have been a more accurate academic profile, I do not regret my decision to pursue this course of study,  as the enrichment of my relationship with my grandmother brings me far greater satisfaction than any amount of improvement in my transcript.

The Political Science program at the University of Arizona provided a supportive environment to pursue these intellectual interests and ensured that I acquired the necessary skills to transfer my academic interests to a professional setting. My professors challenged their students to conduct research, write analytical essays, engage in class debates, and make presentations. This experience prepared me well for a professional environment in which the ability to write well, analyze precisely, facilitate discussions, and speak persuasively will be essential skills.

Why Law School? I am interested in learning about the forces behind the social, economic, and political structure of American society and the process by which people create their identities within this structure.   Armed with a better understanding of this paradigm, I feel that I will be better prepared to effect change.  More practically, I am interested in how public policies can be structured to create social and economic opportunities and to foster equality. By pursuing a legal career, I feel that I am positioning myself to help shape, define, and implement more universally accepted codes.

    Law School will provide insight into the theory and structure of the legal system as well as a window into its historical and social roots.  Because I have not yet met a truly average individual devoid of any special circumstance, I have come to believe that the basis of judgment should lie not in the quantity of struggle, but rather in the quality of the character that results. I have taken all possible measures to prepare myself for this endeavor. I desire the opportunity to share my knowledge and insight, to continue my education while preparing for a professional career, and most importantly, to one day contribute to the legal system, which has captured my full attention.
   

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