There is a saying that 'Children are the teachers of adults.' In the summer of 2001, I certainly could understand this meaning.
I knocked at the door of 'class rose' with a beating heart. As I
opened the door, the round eyes of simple and innocent children looked at me directly. This was the beginning of the most memorable and pleasant job in my summer of 2001. From 21th of July to 10th of August I worked as
an English tutor in 'Dongsan' kindergarten in Bundang and taught them English songs like 'Alphabet song' 'You are my sunshine' and many other songs. To raise chlidrens' abilities and interests in English, I often used
to think about the effective ways to teach them. One day, a good idea occurred to me. I knew a Canadian teacher who had 6 year old son and I decided to mediate her son and the children after having permissions of
several people.
Finally , the day had come but actually, I was worried inside that children might not go well together because of different languages, cultures and appearances. However they soon begin to follow
the languages of the other sides and played together with their toys.
As got older, people tend to have firm valuation and thought and build walls around their own worlds. Thus they begin to have prejudices that
alienate themselves from other people having different things but among those innocent children, I couldn't find any traces of biases. As I saw the children sharing fun and laughs I was deeply impressed by their purity.
About the time I finished this job I found myself smiling raptured by warmth and cleanness of children. I think that I learned more from children than I taught to them and I'm pleased that I could give some new
experiences and knowledges to them.
Critique
My corrections follow five main lines:
1) Your sentences need to flow better from idea to idea.
2) Word choice
needs to be improved.
3) Ideas need to be sharpened.
4) I added some imagery to spice up your writing.
5) Grammar had to be corrected and refined.
Your statement: "I knocked at the door of "class rose" with a beating heart" can be altered since everyone has a beating heart, your particular heart was beating
rapidly.
Final Revision
There is a saying that "adults educate children, but
children teach adults." In the summer of 2001, an unlikely pairing showed me the meaning of this first hand.
I knocked at the door of "class rose" with a rapidly beating heart. As I turned
the unusually cold doorknob, and cautiously entered the room, the round eyes of simple and innocent children met me with a stare. This was only the beginning of a most memorable and pleasant experience from the summer
of 2001.
From the twenty-first of July, to the tenth of August, I worked as an English tutor in "Dongsan" kindergarten in Bundang and taught them English songs like "Alphabet Song" "You are my Sunshine" and many
others. To heighten children's' abilities and interest in English, I thought of a novel way to teach them. One day, an idea struck me. I knew a Canadian teacher who had a six-year-old son, and I decided to introduce
this boy to the children in my class, after receiving permissions from administration.
Finally, the day had come, but actually, I was worried inside that the children might not interact well
together because of different languages, cultures and appearances. However, they soon began to follow the language patterns of each other, as they played together with their toys.
As individuals get older, they tend to have firm valuations, while thoughts build walls around their worlds. Thus, they begin to have prejudices that alienate themselves from other people that
are different, but among those innocent children, I couldn't find any trace of bias. As I saw the children sharing fun and laughing together, I was deeply moved by their purity.
About the time I had finished this job, I found myself with a glowing smile of warmth and affection for the children in my class. I learned more from these children than I could have ever anticipated, and I'm pleased to
share new experiences, knowledge, and above all, a bit of myself.
