Original Law School Personal Statement Allowing one's personal aspirations to fall victim
to life's hardships may be a desirable solution, but also a costly sacrifice. It takes perseverance, drive and passion to rise above difficulties, and a long-term goal always serves as a light at the end of a seemingly
never-ending tunnel. My goal is simple: intellectual enrichment and the use of my knowledge to help those in need of a helping hand. Passion and desire are the internal instincts that have brought me this far in
life, and are the core characteristics that I rely on to carry me through Law School. My life experiences have helped me to appreciate the value of this goal, and I look forward to reaching it. If a reporter were to
write an article on my collegiate career, it would tell an impressive story. It would include a list of co-curricular activities only matched by my involvement in community services. My academic achievements at the
University of Arizona would be summed up by my involvement in the Political Science Honorary, the Golden Key Honorary, and the Dean's List. My academic achievements are but a minor portion of the overall picture of my
collegiate career. As an only child, my mother was less than thrilled at the thought of her baby girl leaving her side. She was scared of being alone, and while I was challenged with the excitement of going
away to school, I did experience the pangs of being homesick at times. My freshman year I went home almost every single weekend. Southwest Airlines and myself got acquainted quickly. Eventually I overcame the home
sickness, and enjoyed my collegiate experience. I played NCAA Women's Tennis, joined the Chi Omega Sorority, entered into my dormitory politics, and set forth on the adventure of being a women, without my mother. My
freshman year was a battle of ups and downs. Time management was not my specialty. Bouncing between classes, sorority and tennis practice was a difficult schedule to maintain, however I was able to overcome my own
personal adversary, time. Throughout the next three years, I did a number of community service projects. I volunteered at the Ronald McDonald House, Arizona Children's Home, Nike's Women Walk, Project Shine, The
"Big Event" to name a few. I played a leadership role in my sorority and was a voice for the younger members. I coordinated Homecoming and Spring Fling and sat on my sorority's disciplinary board, all while
trying to maintain a GPA to be proud of. I am not, however, the proudest of my GPA. My grades did suffer due to my personal involvement in other activities. I did not regret anything I did in college. I found
the women I am, made best friends, and earned a well deserved education. I majored in Political Science, to which I earned impressive grades, and minored in Germanic Studies. My German grades are less than
impressive, however I am now able to speak and write letters to my grandmother. I do not regret my decision to pursue my Germanic studies, as my grandmother is 91 years old and lives alone in Vienna, Austria and
due to her age is unable to travel to visit me in the United States any longer. German was difficult and ruined what would have been a more accurate picture of my academic profile. However, I can speak with my
grandmother and nothing in this world will ever give me more satisfaction than that fact. Why Law School? That is simple. I am interested in understanding the forces behind the social, economic, and political
structure of American society and the process by which people create their identities within this structure while changing it. The Political Science program at the University of Arizona did not only provide a
supportive environment to pursue these intellectual interests but also ensured that I acquire the skills to transfer my academic interests to a professional setting. My professors challenged their students to conduct
research, write analytical essays, engage in class debates, and make presentations. This experience prepared me well for the real world where the ability to write well, analyze precisely, facilitate discussions, and
speak persuasively are essential skills. For a more practical application, I am interested in how public policies can be structured to create social and economic opportunities and to foster equality. By pursuing a legal
career, I feel that I am positioning myself to help shape, define, and implement such policies. Law School will provide insight into the theory and structure of the legal system as well as the historical
and social journeys that laws travel from their conception to application. I have not yet met an individual whose life did not involve special circumstances. Therefore, I have come to believe that judgment should
not lie in the quantity of struggle, but rather in the quality of the character that results. I have, to this point in my life, done all that I can do to prepare myself for this endeavor. I desire the opportunity
to share my knowledge and insight, to continue my education in preparation for my professional career, and most importantly, to one day contribute to a legal system with which I am so taken.
Critique + Examination Beth Anne, 
Harvard Law School Heads-Up
First, a few truisms regarding law school personal statements and specifically Harvard Law School . 1) The personal statement is not an avenue to restate your resume.
2) Harvard Admissions Committee has a wealth of information contained in your application. Use the personal statement to
bring to light personal attributes that have not already been covered in the other pages of your admissions profile.
3) Taking a personal approach (to the personal statement!) can be an effective avenue for making the Harvard Admissions committee say "She is a must in next year's entering class"! You want to give the admissions committee concrete reasons to accept you apart from your stellar LSAT and Undergraduate GPA. Stage 1: Overall Theme, Flow, Topic, Organization
Overall, I took great pains to maintain your personal integrity throughout the essay. This integrity should particularly be viewed in
the paragraph concerning your GPA. Please look over my revisions carefully and make sure that I have not taken too much artistic license.
It is of utmost importance that this essay represents YOUR thoughts and perspectives – that's why they call it a personal statement!
Stage 2: Sentence Level Nuts and Bolts
I found your opening sentence quite confusing, so I reworked it and changed the grammatical structure to make it easily understood.
This sentence will create a first impression with the admissions officer, and you want that impression to be a fantastic one
. If the first sentence does not command their attention, the rest of your essay will fall on deaf ears. Note: Organizational Change I made two important organizational changes:
First, I switched the third and fourth paragraphs of your essay, since the third paragraph deals more directly with the subsequent subject material (i.e. – your C .V.)
Also, I reordered the end of your essay, since the paragraph concerning your experiences in the Political Science department does
not directly answer the question of why you want to go to Law School (However, I moved those parts of the paragraph that did answer that question).
In your first paragraph, I focused your writing on some key concepts, in order to couch the rest of your essay in a single, unifying
theme. That theme ties together the varied aspects of your discussion, maintaining the reader's interest throughout. Note: Transitional Devices
Additionally, I provided a clear link between the first and second paragraphs by using parallel wording to foster coherence within
your essay. This idea of coherence was a problem throughout your writing, and you may notice that I changed several transitions to improve the flow of your essay. Caution
: Grammatical Integrity
Another important aspect of good writing is the constant use of effective grammatical structure. I removed several colloquialisms
from your writing, simply to make the essay sound more polished (Though such expressions may be 'real', they can color an admissions officer's perceptions of your general ideas).
Though I was hesitant to remove any of your work, you might think about spending a little less space reciting your résumé, since
the admissions committee will already know what you've done. A simple reference to 'a multitude of extra-curriculars' might
suffice. This particularly applies to the sixth paragraph, which concerns your volunteer activities. Remember – these people have to read thousands of essays, and they will appreciate concise presentation!
By combining shorter sentences throughout the essay, I improved the clarity of its presentation
. I particularly tightened the paragraph concerning your relationship with your grandmother, which seemed a bit verbose. Conversely, I also broke
up some longer sentences, which clarifies your ideas and makes the essay easier to read. I cemented some of your statements concerning your desire to attend Law School, but I would advise you to look carefully at my
work, to make sure that I have not altered your basic ideas. You really need to give a clear statement of your desire, and the
reasons for that desire – the onus is on YOU to link and explain how your experiences have shaped your career plans, not the reader!
In addition, I tried to highlight the practical side of your thinking, which might otherwise appear a bit idealistic, by placing it closer
to the theoretical parts of the essay. However, some elaboration on that practical side might improve the essay (again, I cannot
create those thoughts for you, but would suggest that you take a close look at the next-to-last paragraph with this in mind).
Your conclusion was a nice summation of your ideas, but I cleaned it up and tried to give each concept individual emphasis. I improved the overall flow by paying close attention to sentence structure.
Lastly, I improved the sound of your concluding sentence, and improved the word choice in order to catch the reader and refocus his/her attention on you
. This will make your essay memorable, personal, and outstanding. All the Best
Team IvyEdge Revised Essay Despite the obvious merit of a desire to uphold personal ideals in the face of life's hardships, such a sacrifice can prove costly.
Perseverance, drive and passion allow one to rise above adversity, and a long-term goal often serves as inspiration - a light at the end of a seemingly never-ending tunnel.
My own goal is simple: I wish to obtain a JD from Harvard Law School through which I can help those in need. Passion and desire
have brought me this far in life, and I will rely upon these instincts to carry me through Law School. My experiences help me to
appreciate the intrinsic value of this goal, despite its associated costs, and I look forward to reaching it.
Four years ago, I experienced the pangs of homesickness for the first time. My mother was scared of being alone, and less than
thrilled at the thought of losing her only child. Though excited by my new environment, I quickly became acquainted with
Southwest Airlines, as I went home almost every weekend of my freshman year. Eventually, though, I overcame this obstacle, and have taken full advantage of my collegiate experience.
On paper, my involvement in the Political Science Honorary, the Golden Key Honorary, and placement on the Dean's List attest to
my academic commitment. These achievements, however, are but a minor portion of the overall picture of my collegiate career.
During college, I played NCAA Women's Tennis, joined the Chi Omega Sorority, entered into my dormitory politics, and set forth
on the adventure of becoming independent. My freshman year was a constant battle, as time management was not yet my forté.
Between classes, sorority commitments, and tennis practice, mine was a difficult schedule to maintain. However, I soon learned to outwit the clock, my perennial adversary.
Throughout the next three years, I participated in a number of community service projects, volunteering at the Ronald McDonald
House, Arizona Children's Home, Nike's Women Walk, Project Shine, and at The "Big Event", among others. As a leader in my
sorority, I acted as a voice for younger members. While trying to excel in my schoolwork, I coordinated Homecoming and Spring Fling and sat on my sorority's disciplinary board.
As a result, I feel that my GPA does not accurately reflect the body of knowledge that I've gained, nor does it adequately portray my
college career. Though my grades suffered, due to my extracurricular commitments, I do not regret my involvement in any of these
activities. Facets of each have helped me to discover and shape the woman I am today. Through these channels, I have made lifelong friends, and I am grateful for the way each has enriched my perception.
As a Political Science major, I earned impressive grades, while minoring in Germanic Studies. Though my grades in German
classes are less than impressive, I am now able to communicate with my grandmother, who is 91 years old and lives alone in
Vienna, Austria. While German was difficult, and colored what might have been a more accurate academic profile, I do not regret
my decision to pursue this course of study. Due to her age, my grandmother is unable to travel, and the enrichment of our relationship brings me far greater satisfaction than could any improvement in my GPA.
The Political Science program at the University of Arizona provided a supportive environment to pursue these intellectual interests
and ensured that I acquired the necessary skills to transfer my academic interests to a professional setting. My professors
challenged their students to conduct research, write analytical essays, engage in class debates, and make presentations. This
experience prepared me well for a professional environment in which the ability to write well, analyze precisely, facilitate discussions, and speak persuasively will be essential skills.
Law School will be a logical and necessary extension of my undergraduate education. I am interested in learning about the forces
behind the social, economic, and political structure of American society and the ways that people define themselves within this
system. Armed with a better understanding of this paradigm, I feel that I will be better prepared to affect change. More practically,
I am interested in how public policies can be structured to create social and economic opportunities and to foster equality. By
pursuing a legal career, I feel that I am positioning myself to help shape, define, and implement more universally accepted codes.
Harvard Law School will provide insight into the theory and structure of the legal system as well as a window into its historical and
social roots. Because I have not yet met a truly average individual – one whose background is devoid of any special circumstance – I
have come to believe that the basis of judgment should lie not in the quantity of struggle, but rather in the quality of the character
that results. I desire the opportunity to share my knowledge and insight, to continue my education while preparing for a
professional career, and most importantly, to one day contribute to the legal system that has captured my full attention. |
